Ten years ago today....

I was trying to figure out what to do with my hair, find something blue (which also ended up being borrowed), frantically calling family and leaving messages on machines that in just a few hours I would be getting married, what the address was, and a quick "hope to see you there!"  I guess you could say we eloped.  His mom knew nothing of our marriage until a week later when I got his wedding band and mentioned that she "might" notice a ring on his finger, so it may be a good idea to tell her that we were married so we could at least sleep in the same room....let alone the same bed.  At first, she didn't believe us, so we had to get Carlos Santana to come bring our Marriage Certificate over (we didn't want her to find it before we had a chance to tell her).  Then it was a huge hug and "welcome to the family...you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into..."  Well, I'll drink to that!  At least I would if I weren't pregnant.  Of course, when I called my own mother to read her the marriage certificate, I got to about "...joined in holy...." before getting hung up on.  I think it was just entirely too much for her to handle.  Of course, if you knew me AT ALL back then, you'd know that running off to get married was NOT something you would expect of me.

Our marriage over the last ten years has not been perfect, and I don't think anyone can say theirs is perfect, but we have three beautiful children (I can say that now that I've seen the 3D photos of my handsome bun in the oven), an imperfect life we've built together, and a future that has no limits.  And now for the embarrassing photos:

Groom and Bride


Best man (Carlos Santana) and his future wife (our official wedding photographer)


Maid of Honor and another "one of the guys" (sorry, you don't have an alias yet)


All the ladies who showed up for my wedding.


"The guys"


The only pic of the ceremony I have...and to be honest, I don't remember much of it as it was going on; it all seemed like a dream I was going to wake from any second.  Especially when our vows discussed the importance of family and friends in supporting a new commitment such as marriage.  Our vows were not traditional, in any sense of the word.  They were taken straight from a Wiccan handfasting ritual; no mention of "God" at all; very tailored to fit our personal needs as a couple (of all of a month and ten days before tying the knot).  Yeah, sometimes I wonder "what if," but then I reach across the bed and gently lay my hand on the chest of my husband, and think, "nah, no more what if's; I'm content right here, right now."  I certainly wish I would have had a big wedding, and what girl doesn't dream of her perfect dress, with the perfect bouquet, her hair falling in place like it's supposed to, and waiting to see the look on the face of her soon to be husband as she's walked down the isle by her dad (or someone close enough to be giving the bride away)?  BUT...We got married for a grand total of $110, so who am I to complain?  No catering bills, no crazy florist running late, no wedding cake in the face disasters; just us, some friends and limited family and TGIFridays for our reception, and camping for the honeymoon.  And Shaggy (who couldn't make it to the wedding due to being in SCHOOL) running stark naked after a deer (don't ask, you DON'T want to know....)!  I do miss the days when I was looked at with this indescribably amazing look; there really are no words for it; but time and three kids will do that to ya I suppose!  Not that he doesn't tell me I'm gorgeous, or anything like that, it was just that "Just Married" look.  If you've ever been in love, you know exactly what look I'm talking about.  But I'm sure after a day of dealing with the kids, Lord only knows what chores, messy hair, broke out face (thanks hormones), and a ginormous pregnant belly; telling me that I'm gorgeous is the farthest thing from his mind.  And I love him anyways, because even if it's not on his mind, he remembers to tell me.  I'm very sensitive to things like that, and of course, after ten years, you learn things like that.  And even though he rarely reads my blog (I can be entirely too opinionated for him sometimes):
I LOVE YOU BABY.  HERE'S TO ANOTHER BETTER, HAPPIER, MORE SUCCESSFUL TEN YEARS!

 

Tired....

I'm tired of a lot of things right now, both in my life and in the world in general.  I'm tired of the Casey Anthony trial, and all the crap that came with it.  I'm tired of being tired.  I'm tired of being kicked my Mr. Karate Kid, Jr. (it really started hurting last night, like to the point it was making me jump...what's going to happen when I'm a bit further along and he's bigger/stronger?  I will have no internal organs left!)  While I'm on the subject of pregnancy, I'm tired of not being able to do things I was allowed to do 5 months ago, before I got pregnant (the litter boxes, and I feel horrible that I'm not helping with the brood of animals we have; being able to jump up on the counter to get a bowl from the top shelf, lifting and playing with my other kids; riding the cool rides at KI or the Beach with them; not feeling so worn out that I have NO energy to even pay attention to them; taking the garbage out; and even cleaning the kitchen or bathroom).  I'm tired of being poor, but I'm working on that one (one degree down, four to go...damn Ph.D's....).  I'm tired of feeling like I have to filter myself.  I do this and then I realize that this is SOOOO not me...  Okay, enough complaints for the day.

On the up side...My ten year anniversary to my hubby is tomorrow.  I have no idea what I'm going to get him/do for him, and to make matters worse, when I got our meal schedules together for the first half of the month, I scheduled "Leftovers" for our anniversary...WHAT was I thinking...  Of all the things I can do well, cooking is probably one of the best, so of course, when gifts are needed, I get to cooking/baking.  You would think that he would have put on some weight by now.... guess that's why our kids are so skinny and eat like a herd of elephants, and I keep getting told that I'm too skinny to be 5 months pregnant, yet I feel ginormous.  Of course, it doesn't really matter how I feel, because obviously I can't be that far along if I'm this small, and I have absolutely no right to feel ginormous if I'm this small.  I will do something I haven't done on this blog; post an ultrasound picture of my son.  We had a tier II ultrasound done to help rule out down syndrome.  Granted, ultrasounds are diagnostic in nature, and they obviously can't tell if there are any genetic issues without an amniocentesis, which I refuse to undergo (thanks for the horror stories mom), but EVERYTHING looks great.  I was comforted by both the specialty ultrasound tech and the perinatal expert I spoke with that the calcium deposit in Jesse's heart is completely fine, it will cause him no problems, his heart is functioning great, and this happens (calcium deposit in the heart) in about 1 in 50 pregnancies.  My chances of having a down baby are 1 in 800, same as any other woman my age, even with the soft marker of the calcium deposit, but it's not like that would change anything, finding out that the baby has down syndrome.  I mean, helloooo, he's my son, and I don't care what "special needs" he might have, I will love him no less and no more than my other children, and he will be provided for the only way I know how...the best way.  Now, without further ado...May I present to you, Mr. Jesse Donald Christopher Green:

A tiara for my not so toddler daughter....

So, my six and a half year old daughter has decided after watching "Toddlers & Tiaras" that she wants to enter a beauty pageant.  Her reasoning is simple and sound: "Mommy, I'm prettier than most of those girls; I could totally win!" <insert cheesy grin with batting eyelashes included>  Of course, I've never been a mom to stifle dreams, so I tell her if that's really what she wants to do, mommy will talk to daddy about the possibility of her entering one pageant.  She has it all planned out...her great Aunt (who has always done my hair as long as I can remember) can do her hair, her Aunt Melissa can take her to get her nails done (Aunt Mel always has the coolest nails), Mamaw L and Aunt Amanda can help her pick out her outfits (she loves shopping with the both of them), and then mommy can cheer for her, because "that's what mommy's do best."

There is just one tiny problem....I don't see me being one of them psycho pageant mommies.  I mean, if it's something she really wants to do, then by all means kiddo, have at it, and we'll do what we can!  But please, please, PLEASE don't ask me to be crazy.  I do enough of that on my own!!  But I do know there are lots of pageants that offer scholarships to these little girls, and scholarships are a hell of a lot better than student loans (speaking from experience here). Plus, anyone who knows my daughter, knows she totally has the attitude for a pageant; she's brutal, beautiful, conniving, and has one hell of a right hook.  I can see the headlines now "Local beauty pageant turns violent after a 6 year old decks the winner...more on the 11 o'clock news..."  She's even been practicing her "pageant walk" and her "pageant face," both of which I promise to get on camera and post because it's too funny. 

In other news:  I have an interview with a temp agency, who doesn't know I'm pregnant yet, on Tuesday.  With any luck, they will be able to find me a temporary (6-8 week) position paying some decent money.  Also, I'm putting out a call to all my friends that might possibly be mentioned in my blog to give me a "code name" you'd like me to use.  Shaggy and HOG have already been taken.  Please also keep in mind that typically before I post anything about anyone else, I will okay it with you.  Unless I'm bitching about you, and then all bets are off. 

Help a sister out!

So...basically, go to this site and buy some jewelry!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/hcbishop82?ref=pr_shop_more

It's my very good friend's shop on etsy, and she has some very nice earrings, pendants, necklaces, bracelets, even some vintage rings.  All at very reasonable prices.  It's not too soon to start thinking of Christmas gifts!!!  I have personally bought stuff from the store, and I can tell you, the finished products are well worth it, plus, you're helping out a small, American own, ran, operated and staffed business.  So all you people who are patriotic, do your patriotic duty and buy some jewelry!! =D

Also, the items are shipped from Hawaii, so it takes a few days to get here, but no longer than any ebay purchases I've ever made.  And while you're at it, you might as well follow her blog too, but be forewarned, if you thought I was opinionated; she's my evil twin....

http://networkedblogs.com/jJhQv
(If the links do not work, just copy and paste the entire address into a new window/tab.)

The past week....

Has been hell for me, mainly because I refrained from posting any new blogs, but I just can't take it anymore!!! 

So, here goes:

I found out that my wife-y from Ohawaiio is coming in November to stay for an entire month, which is BEYOND exciting for me, because (after okaying it with the hubs) I was able to ask, and she graciously accepted, for her to be in the delivery room for the birth of Jesse.  And, if I might just add, that the hubs is considering using Christopher in the name now (male version of the wife-y's middle name), which I just think is amazing.  But the other two names we have chosen are very important to us as well, because they are family names.  Jesse is the name of his uncle whom he was very close to, Donald was my grandfather's name on my mother's side.  I found it very fitting that we decided to give him my grandpa's name since we found out we were having a boy on the anniversary of his death. 

I've also been working on my discussions with my guides.  I'm still really shaky on it all, but when I was little, I would see things, hear things, feel things.  As I got older and I was told I was out of my mind, there are no such thing as ghosts, etc., those things started to fade.  They never really went away; I just blocked them out.  My teenage years were hectic enough trying to fit in, without being the "ghost whisperer."  But yesterday, a bouncy seat that I had just bought started blinking and singing on it's own.  I promise, no cats, no dogs, no kids were anywhere near it when it went off.  This isn't really an uncommon event in this house either.  When Wesley was little, his toys would randomly go off in his room, and then when he got older he would speak of a little girl with brown hair he would play with in his room, and how much she loved a specific toy of his.  Alyssa said similar things, about the girl with brown hair, playing with her, that she was the one who got the kitchen stuff out, not Aly.  Things simmered down after Aly went to school full time this past fall, but I have a feeling she is still here, and just tickled pink that there will be another baby to play with, and of course all the spiffy baby toys. 

On the other hand, I used to feel the presence of my mother in law's late husband who passed away of a heart attack in the living room, very close to where I am sitting now, but that seems to have faded.  Either he's moved on, or just doesn't make his presence known to me.  But things are still coming up "missing" and then mysteriously show up in the most random of obvious places, one of the things my mother in law swears was/is his doing... but then again, she's never called me crazy for the stories of the things I've experienced.  I should probably do some reading up on the paranormal stuff I've seen, or how better to communicate with my own personal guides (one of which I think is my Grandpa Don, and I'm pretty sure Grandma Jackie is there too, cuz all of the sudden I have a craving for some Honey Nut Cheerios...)

New job...kinda

So, I will be watching the boy up the street this summer, but that's a good thing, because he keeps my kids entertained/annoyed, and they do the same to him.  This should be fun!  I need ideas on how to keep things structured and organized.  Any good sites with crafts, field trips, etc that I can take advantage of would be welcomed.  The kids are 9, 8, and 6 so, anything that I can do with all of them to keep their interest would be great!  Hopefully with any luck we will get KI passes soon, so the water park will be an option, since I obviously cannot ride any of the cool rides....

On another note, I have my next doctor's appointment on Thursday.  I'm a bit nervous, and if you know me, you probably know why I'm nervous.  I could use some good thoughts/prayers, whatever suits your lifestyle choices.  I'm sure everything will turn out well; I've been working on some healing meditation exercises that I was told about from a very good friend, and they seem to be helping with the anxiety/stress, but still, I'll be happier when the doctors tell me there is nothing to worry about.  I have been feeling the baby move more and more, which is a little scary in and of itself.  I mean, I've had two kids already, but that was forever ago, and I feel like a new mom, experiencing everything for the first time.  For instance, I completely plan on taking another childbirth class, just because the technology has changed, the options for women in birth have advanced, so I think it'd be best if I was brought up to date on all of those things.  I have a stroller and car seat now, thanks to mom and an awesome yard sale find.  I have limited clothing items (what could be salvaged from the other two kids), and that's about it.  Things I still desperately need/want: pack and play; crib; swing; high chair; onesies/sleepers/clothes in general.  I plan completely on having another baby shower, and I don't care what anyone says about only getting one baby shower ever.  It's been almost 7 years since I had a kid, I have nothing (as evidenced above) so, yeah, I'm having a shower. 

As far as gifts go, I totally got gyped on my graduation gifts.  I did get a few, but read "few" as "two."  And I didn't get those until well after my actual graduation.  It's just very frustrating to see others showered with gifts for graduating high school, when I busted my ass for two and a half years for a degree, and I can't even get a scholarship to help pay for the rest of my schooling.  It's not like I don't have an amazing GPA, or that I wasn't chosen for Who's Who, or that I wasn't an officer in a student organization.  You would think they would want to help support and promote activities like that.  So then why is it so damn difficult to get any help?  I'm in debt over my head for my degree already, and I'm terrified once I get out of school I won't be able to find a job, let alone pay back my student loans.  Sometimes I just wish my parents were rich and would pay for everything for me. 

Exhausted.

That is all I can say about how I feel after the activities of yesterday.  After a grueling three hour graduation for my Associate of Arts degree at the University of Cincinnati, which of course, I was late for...can't be a Filgis without being late constantly.... We were packed in like sardines, the guy next to me was so large he not only took up his chair but half of my chair and the guy on the other side of him.  So I uncomfortably sat on half a folding chair, with my arms crossed, because his shoulders were much larger than his rear end.  You couldn't hear a thing, as far as the cheers for you; not when you were on that stage, everything disappeared and got fuzzy!  They told us to leave all our personal effects with our guests, so I didn't have my cell phone.  BIG MISTAKE!!!  30-45 minutes after the ceremony ended, I still hadn't found my party...and I was tired already!  Finally, we met up, lost my sister's boyfriend, found him, and were on our way to the cars.  It was now 12:30 and we had to get going to Columbus for my brothers graduation.  We made pretty good time actually, after stopping for lunch, we still made it from UC to OSU by 2:00!  The walk from our parking spot was excruciating.  We even joked about piggy back rides, if that gives you an idea.  Then we sit through another three hour graduation, in which I was offended at least five times by the governor of Ohio's speech.  I'll likely post my letter to Kaisich on here in a later post, so I'll leave the details until then.  After an hour and a half of calling names (it was the largest graduating class in the entire Nation), they ended the ceremony with poppers and fireworks!  My education cost me a hell of a lot more than that high school's, and WE didn't get fireworks!!!  WTF?  But then again, the alumni was giving away an iPad 2 at the reception that we didn't have time to go to...  Maybe because I still have several more degrees to get before I'm officially "done" with my education (PhD, anyone?), I don't feel like much of an alumnus.  So then, after driving back to Cincy, picking up the kiddos, and changing shoes, we went to dinner at Big Boy with the whole family, party of 10, your table is ready.  Uh, no you're not splitting us up... Then the food was cold, they screwed up my daughters order, not once, but twice.  How can you do that to a 6 year old?  Expect her to sit and watch as everyone else has their food and she's still waiting...  Ugh!  Thankfully, I got the salad bar, so I was okay.  Just a really baaaaad experience there.  Today, we have a grad party for my brother in law (high school) and then chillax!  I can't wait for that part!

Graduation is tomorrow!!!

I am so very excited now that I have my cap and gown!!!

That's right, you can be jealous, I'm totally rockin' the  mumu/gown look!

Amanda, my sister, Me and my daughter, Alyssa

My son, Wesley, and me!

 

My daughter and me again!

That seems like enough of sharing of photos, but at least you can picture who's doing the blogging now, and when I complain about my sister or kids, you can now see who I'm talking about!  But beware, I have two sisters, and one brother.  I actually have to haul ass to Columbus tomorrow after my 9am graduation from University of Cincinnati to get to his Ecot graduation (centrally located in Cbus), so we have a FULL day tomorrow of events!  And then likely a brunch or dinner or something with the fam on Sunday.  And the pictured sister is now playing Vitamin C "Graduation" which is making me tear up, because it was our song for the Mt. Healthy High School Class of 2001.  Doesn't really make me feel old, well, no older than the 10 year reunion for the Deer Park High School Class of 2001, whom I identify with much more than Mt. Healthy, where I technically graduated from.

On another note:  a very very very very very good friend of mine is trying one more IF med cycle (provera for those of you who know what that is), so she could use all the good thoughts and prayers she can get.  There are not two more deserving people who NEED this to work for them.  (Because if it doesn't work...I'm going to wherever they are stationed next and we're totally doing the turkey baster thing for surrogacy, obviously after I have Jesse.)  Apparently, the Universe is just sitting on the pot, and it needs to shit or get up, cuz they have been waiting *somewhat* patiently for months and months and well, might as well just say years, cuz that's how it feels I'm sure, but they TOTALLY deserve this!  Their last attempt didn't take, and that's when I ended up pregnant with this one.  I guess I was thinking so many fertile sticky thoughts for her that the Universe got confused, because I was not supposed to end up preggos, she was!!!  It's so desperately unfair.  I will likely post some blogs about IF too, because for the last year I have been very careful of what I say and how I say it, because it never occurred to me (like most fertile women) that some of the things I say or complain about or take for granted can really do a number on a woman who is suffering from infertility.  So, when your kids are driving you insane and you want to complain all over about it, remember there is a woman somewhere desperately wishing to be annoyed and brought to her knees by the thought of never having a child of her own.  Adoption is not for everyone, and it is a very personal decision  (I get so annoyed when people post "Can't you just adopt" on her posts because I mean really, would you trade your kids in for someone else's genetic child?  I mean, really, would you?)  I know my aunt dealt with a lot of issues with IF too way back in the day (she did eventually conceive and her baby just graduated from Urseline-Sorry if I misspelled it, still proud of you!!)  but not everyone is that lucky. 

For Future Reference....

I have given up on giving a crap what other people think of me.  At one point, two days ago, I was concerned because someone didn't want their child subjected to the subject material on my blog (I'm still trying to decide if that was a serious jab or a reference to something I said to my sister). 

For those of you who know me, I am bi-polar, I have anxiety issues, and sometimes major depression issues.  With my pregnancy, I cannot take ANY of my medications, which is making it extremely difficult for me to regulate my moods (we can skip the "God help your husband" comments).  Therefore, when something upsets me, as much as I try to stop it, it just snowballs, and my mind races a mile a minute, usually to the worst possible scenario.  Long story short, I vented to my sister, who went to the source (completely not her place, which I told her, as did the source, even though I know she was just trying to look out for me), and made the entire situation more complicated.  I just needed to vent my frustrations to someone I could trust because OBVIOUSLY I can't take my Xanax to calm my goofy ass down.  On top of it all, my hubby was upset over my last blog (about the abortion situation), but I don't understand why.  The woman I was ranting about is NOT on my friends list, nor is there any way she would have got to my blog to read it (I mean obviously if she read it, she would know it were about her, but she wouldn't even get that opportunity...as would any other of my blogs...if I blog about you, be happy I leave your name out, unless I specifically ask you, or you request it...)

So, let me make this VERY clear.  I no longer care what ANYBODY (Including my husband) says about my blog.  If you don't like it; DON'T READ IT.  You don't get a choice over what I write about; you don't get to tell me I shouldn't have blogged about a specific event; you just get to be happy I leave out names.  It's called the first amendment, and I intend to push it to the limits.  If this makes you uncomfortable, once again, DON'T READ MY BLOG.  I'm not afraid of the sensitive subjects, I usually have an opinion about them, that I am more than willing to share with you.  It was also brought to my attention that I don't filter myself.  Nope, I don't, nor do I plan to start.  Especially if you ask for my opinion.  Don't ask if you can't handle the brutal, honest to God (or other higher power) truth.  Ask my friends...sometimes I piss them off with my responses to their questions, but they love me anyways.  I don't mince words, I don't make any attempt to be somebody I'm not.  I'm not a murderer, a cheat, or a liar (minus Xmas gifts and things like that).  I am a good person, a good mother, a good advocate for many causes, and my voice WILL be heard; again, if you don't like this; DON'T READ MY BLOG (are we noticing a trend here???)!  This blog is part of my self-care, and I think it helps not only me, but some of my friends too, because it opens up a dialog!

And while I'm in the mood to be bitchy...wtf is up with parents who are split up using their children as pawns...I have a very good friend of mine who is struggling with discipline with her child.  Problem is, she doesn't have residential custody, and the father is trying to take the boys away.  I say tell him to go fuck himself, and take custody since he's never home, the boys don't get bathed regularly due to a nasty ass bathroom, and they need more supervision than he is willing to give.  She would be more than able to provide a safer, more stable environment for the children, and she owns her house outright; he lives with his mom and dad in a double wide...with like 6 kids....