It's Been a While!!

So, I haven't blogged in a while...I suppose all the "excitement" of finally having the baby and all that goes along with it was just too much.  So, a recap:  Too many complications with the pregnancy, from the doc telling me he might have down syndrome (he doesn't), to the little Booger deciding to flip breech at 38 weeks (which lead to a very unhappy mommy having to have a C-Section), to now the Social Security idiot telling me that I have to change my son's name because it won't fit on the card (which I found out is BS and I'm PISSED about).

Now the details: C-Section.  Found out on November 10th that he was breech, then the next day we had to set an appointment to meet with a doc, instead of the midwife, and he scheduled the C-Section for the 14th.  I tried my damnedest to get them to agree to have the surgery on the 11th (we really really wanted 11/11/11 for the birthday, and if I was being forced to have a birth I wasn't happy with, at least give me the birth date I wanted!) to no avail.  This means all my HOURS of planning a birth plan, all the people who were important to me that I wanted in the room, EVERYTHING down the tubes!  I mean, don't get me wrong, the hubby was indeed in the room, and he IS the most important one...but I really wanted my bestie, and my mom and sisters in the room!  Instead, we had a very hectic and stressed weekend, waiting for Monday to come along to meet our little one.  So, at 10:05am on November 14th, 2011, we added our beautiful baby boy to our family.  Grandparents were first to see him, then his namesake (my wifey), and the rest of the family!  Jesse Donald Christopher Green is amazingly beautiful!  I have to say as stressed as I was about the birth, he did turn out great!  In the past two months I have had the trials and tribulations of choosing to breastfeed, which has been met with support and criticism.  It's not been easy, there have been times I have been in tears, and times I have been so overjoyed. 

On the subject of breastfeeding, I have decided to attempt to nurse Jesse until he is a year old (at least).  I don't want to turn into a woman who's nursing a 4 year old, by all means, but I would like to give my boy the best start I can give him, and more and more peer review articles and studies are showing that it is indeed most beneficial to nurse for the first 6 months, 12-18 if you can do it.  Worldwide, most mothers wean their babies by the age of 7, with the average between 2 and 4 years.  Now if a woman in a village in Africa out in the middle of nowhere can nurse her child for 4-7 years, why can't I nurse (in a country where breastfeeding is supported and protected by law) for at least a year?  Surely I can do this, right?  But it's exhausting, and hard work!  I made it so far 8 weeks, almost 9, and half the time I want to quit!  There is just soo much for me, with school, the other two kids, the MIL, and all that fun stuff.


The SS crap:  we applied for his card, and got it and it says "Jesse Donald Christoph Green" ummm, that's NOT his name...so I called down, they said to bring his birth certificate to the office, and they would fix it. So I did just that, except he ass on the other side of the counter said I would have to drop one of the middle names because it wouldn't fit on the card.  So, I left the Federal building in tears.  Then I found out (by a mother in the breastfeeding support group I'm in on Facebook who's daughters have 26--yes 26--names each) that they can put "Jesse Donald C Green" on the card, and that's perfectly legal.  Needless to say, I was pretty pissed off at that point, because I paid $6 to park downtown, wasted my time waiting to be told some BS, and had to nurse in public (not that I cared, if you don't want to see it, don't look...plus I was covered). 

And now: Jesse is 9 pounds and 1/2 ounce and 20 1/2 inches long at his 2 month checkup.  He's holding his head up, rolling from his belly to his back, smiling like no other, and is just an all around great kid.  I couldn't have been more lucky!  It makes me sick to my stomach.  Really, it does.  I don't really deserve to have this wonderful kid.  Not when my bestie had her's ripped from her before she had a chance to meet him.  Although, they have decided that they aren't going to try anymore (and I have to say, I am kinda holding out hope that they will change their minds) because she would be an amazing mommy!  But I suppose for now, Auntie Holly will have to do!  And maybe she can take solace in knowing that my son was named after her, and I have NO intentions of changing his name.  NONE, ZIP, ZILCH, NADA!

Now, the moment you've allllll been waiting for...Pictures of my lovey man!

 Aly, Jesse, and Wesley

 Big smiles just a few days ago

 First smile, laying on daddy

 In the hospital

 After we got home from the hospital

 Big sis and Jesse (read "lil momma and live baby doll")

 Hospital Photographer's photo of Mr. JDC

 Laying in the hospital crib

  Big bro and Jesse

Ten years ago today....

I was trying to figure out what to do with my hair, find something blue (which also ended up being borrowed), frantically calling family and leaving messages on machines that in just a few hours I would be getting married, what the address was, and a quick "hope to see you there!"  I guess you could say we eloped.  His mom knew nothing of our marriage until a week later when I got his wedding band and mentioned that she "might" notice a ring on his finger, so it may be a good idea to tell her that we were married so we could at least sleep in the same room....let alone the same bed.  At first, she didn't believe us, so we had to get Carlos Santana to come bring our Marriage Certificate over (we didn't want her to find it before we had a chance to tell her).  Then it was a huge hug and "welcome to the family...you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into..."  Well, I'll drink to that!  At least I would if I weren't pregnant.  Of course, when I called my own mother to read her the marriage certificate, I got to about "...joined in holy...." before getting hung up on.  I think it was just entirely too much for her to handle.  Of course, if you knew me AT ALL back then, you'd know that running off to get married was NOT something you would expect of me.

Our marriage over the last ten years has not been perfect, and I don't think anyone can say theirs is perfect, but we have three beautiful children (I can say that now that I've seen the 3D photos of my handsome bun in the oven), an imperfect life we've built together, and a future that has no limits.  And now for the embarrassing photos:

Groom and Bride


Best man (Carlos Santana) and his future wife (our official wedding photographer)


Maid of Honor and another "one of the guys" (sorry, you don't have an alias yet)


All the ladies who showed up for my wedding.


"The guys"


The only pic of the ceremony I have...and to be honest, I don't remember much of it as it was going on; it all seemed like a dream I was going to wake from any second.  Especially when our vows discussed the importance of family and friends in supporting a new commitment such as marriage.  Our vows were not traditional, in any sense of the word.  They were taken straight from a Wiccan handfasting ritual; no mention of "God" at all; very tailored to fit our personal needs as a couple (of all of a month and ten days before tying the knot).  Yeah, sometimes I wonder "what if," but then I reach across the bed and gently lay my hand on the chest of my husband, and think, "nah, no more what if's; I'm content right here, right now."  I certainly wish I would have had a big wedding, and what girl doesn't dream of her perfect dress, with the perfect bouquet, her hair falling in place like it's supposed to, and waiting to see the look on the face of her soon to be husband as she's walked down the isle by her dad (or someone close enough to be giving the bride away)?  BUT...We got married for a grand total of $110, so who am I to complain?  No catering bills, no crazy florist running late, no wedding cake in the face disasters; just us, some friends and limited family and TGIFridays for our reception, and camping for the honeymoon.  And Shaggy (who couldn't make it to the wedding due to being in SCHOOL) running stark naked after a deer (don't ask, you DON'T want to know....)!  I do miss the days when I was looked at with this indescribably amazing look; there really are no words for it; but time and three kids will do that to ya I suppose!  Not that he doesn't tell me I'm gorgeous, or anything like that, it was just that "Just Married" look.  If you've ever been in love, you know exactly what look I'm talking about.  But I'm sure after a day of dealing with the kids, Lord only knows what chores, messy hair, broke out face (thanks hormones), and a ginormous pregnant belly; telling me that I'm gorgeous is the farthest thing from his mind.  And I love him anyways, because even if it's not on his mind, he remembers to tell me.  I'm very sensitive to things like that, and of course, after ten years, you learn things like that.  And even though he rarely reads my blog (I can be entirely too opinionated for him sometimes):
I LOVE YOU BABY.  HERE'S TO ANOTHER BETTER, HAPPIER, MORE SUCCESSFUL TEN YEARS!

 

Tired....

I'm tired of a lot of things right now, both in my life and in the world in general.  I'm tired of the Casey Anthony trial, and all the crap that came with it.  I'm tired of being tired.  I'm tired of being kicked my Mr. Karate Kid, Jr. (it really started hurting last night, like to the point it was making me jump...what's going to happen when I'm a bit further along and he's bigger/stronger?  I will have no internal organs left!)  While I'm on the subject of pregnancy, I'm tired of not being able to do things I was allowed to do 5 months ago, before I got pregnant (the litter boxes, and I feel horrible that I'm not helping with the brood of animals we have; being able to jump up on the counter to get a bowl from the top shelf, lifting and playing with my other kids; riding the cool rides at KI or the Beach with them; not feeling so worn out that I have NO energy to even pay attention to them; taking the garbage out; and even cleaning the kitchen or bathroom).  I'm tired of being poor, but I'm working on that one (one degree down, four to go...damn Ph.D's....).  I'm tired of feeling like I have to filter myself.  I do this and then I realize that this is SOOOO not me...  Okay, enough complaints for the day.

On the up side...My ten year anniversary to my hubby is tomorrow.  I have no idea what I'm going to get him/do for him, and to make matters worse, when I got our meal schedules together for the first half of the month, I scheduled "Leftovers" for our anniversary...WHAT was I thinking...  Of all the things I can do well, cooking is probably one of the best, so of course, when gifts are needed, I get to cooking/baking.  You would think that he would have put on some weight by now.... guess that's why our kids are so skinny and eat like a herd of elephants, and I keep getting told that I'm too skinny to be 5 months pregnant, yet I feel ginormous.  Of course, it doesn't really matter how I feel, because obviously I can't be that far along if I'm this small, and I have absolutely no right to feel ginormous if I'm this small.  I will do something I haven't done on this blog; post an ultrasound picture of my son.  We had a tier II ultrasound done to help rule out down syndrome.  Granted, ultrasounds are diagnostic in nature, and they obviously can't tell if there are any genetic issues without an amniocentesis, which I refuse to undergo (thanks for the horror stories mom), but EVERYTHING looks great.  I was comforted by both the specialty ultrasound tech and the perinatal expert I spoke with that the calcium deposit in Jesse's heart is completely fine, it will cause him no problems, his heart is functioning great, and this happens (calcium deposit in the heart) in about 1 in 50 pregnancies.  My chances of having a down baby are 1 in 800, same as any other woman my age, even with the soft marker of the calcium deposit, but it's not like that would change anything, finding out that the baby has down syndrome.  I mean, helloooo, he's my son, and I don't care what "special needs" he might have, I will love him no less and no more than my other children, and he will be provided for the only way I know how...the best way.  Now, without further ado...May I present to you, Mr. Jesse Donald Christopher Green:

A tiara for my not so toddler daughter....

So, my six and a half year old daughter has decided after watching "Toddlers & Tiaras" that she wants to enter a beauty pageant.  Her reasoning is simple and sound: "Mommy, I'm prettier than most of those girls; I could totally win!" <insert cheesy grin with batting eyelashes included>  Of course, I've never been a mom to stifle dreams, so I tell her if that's really what she wants to do, mommy will talk to daddy about the possibility of her entering one pageant.  She has it all planned out...her great Aunt (who has always done my hair as long as I can remember) can do her hair, her Aunt Melissa can take her to get her nails done (Aunt Mel always has the coolest nails), Mamaw L and Aunt Amanda can help her pick out her outfits (she loves shopping with the both of them), and then mommy can cheer for her, because "that's what mommy's do best."

There is just one tiny problem....I don't see me being one of them psycho pageant mommies.  I mean, if it's something she really wants to do, then by all means kiddo, have at it, and we'll do what we can!  But please, please, PLEASE don't ask me to be crazy.  I do enough of that on my own!!  But I do know there are lots of pageants that offer scholarships to these little girls, and scholarships are a hell of a lot better than student loans (speaking from experience here). Plus, anyone who knows my daughter, knows she totally has the attitude for a pageant; she's brutal, beautiful, conniving, and has one hell of a right hook.  I can see the headlines now "Local beauty pageant turns violent after a 6 year old decks the winner...more on the 11 o'clock news..."  She's even been practicing her "pageant walk" and her "pageant face," both of which I promise to get on camera and post because it's too funny. 

In other news:  I have an interview with a temp agency, who doesn't know I'm pregnant yet, on Tuesday.  With any luck, they will be able to find me a temporary (6-8 week) position paying some decent money.  Also, I'm putting out a call to all my friends that might possibly be mentioned in my blog to give me a "code name" you'd like me to use.  Shaggy and HOG have already been taken.  Please also keep in mind that typically before I post anything about anyone else, I will okay it with you.  Unless I'm bitching about you, and then all bets are off. 

Help a sister out!

So...basically, go to this site and buy some jewelry!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/hcbishop82?ref=pr_shop_more

It's my very good friend's shop on etsy, and she has some very nice earrings, pendants, necklaces, bracelets, even some vintage rings.  All at very reasonable prices.  It's not too soon to start thinking of Christmas gifts!!!  I have personally bought stuff from the store, and I can tell you, the finished products are well worth it, plus, you're helping out a small, American own, ran, operated and staffed business.  So all you people who are patriotic, do your patriotic duty and buy some jewelry!! =D

Also, the items are shipped from Hawaii, so it takes a few days to get here, but no longer than any ebay purchases I've ever made.  And while you're at it, you might as well follow her blog too, but be forewarned, if you thought I was opinionated; she's my evil twin....

http://networkedblogs.com/jJhQv
(If the links do not work, just copy and paste the entire address into a new window/tab.)

The past week....

Has been hell for me, mainly because I refrained from posting any new blogs, but I just can't take it anymore!!! 

So, here goes:

I found out that my wife-y from Ohawaiio is coming in November to stay for an entire month, which is BEYOND exciting for me, because (after okaying it with the hubs) I was able to ask, and she graciously accepted, for her to be in the delivery room for the birth of Jesse.  And, if I might just add, that the hubs is considering using Christopher in the name now (male version of the wife-y's middle name), which I just think is amazing.  But the other two names we have chosen are very important to us as well, because they are family names.  Jesse is the name of his uncle whom he was very close to, Donald was my grandfather's name on my mother's side.  I found it very fitting that we decided to give him my grandpa's name since we found out we were having a boy on the anniversary of his death. 

I've also been working on my discussions with my guides.  I'm still really shaky on it all, but when I was little, I would see things, hear things, feel things.  As I got older and I was told I was out of my mind, there are no such thing as ghosts, etc., those things started to fade.  They never really went away; I just blocked them out.  My teenage years were hectic enough trying to fit in, without being the "ghost whisperer."  But yesterday, a bouncy seat that I had just bought started blinking and singing on it's own.  I promise, no cats, no dogs, no kids were anywhere near it when it went off.  This isn't really an uncommon event in this house either.  When Wesley was little, his toys would randomly go off in his room, and then when he got older he would speak of a little girl with brown hair he would play with in his room, and how much she loved a specific toy of his.  Alyssa said similar things, about the girl with brown hair, playing with her, that she was the one who got the kitchen stuff out, not Aly.  Things simmered down after Aly went to school full time this past fall, but I have a feeling she is still here, and just tickled pink that there will be another baby to play with, and of course all the spiffy baby toys. 

On the other hand, I used to feel the presence of my mother in law's late husband who passed away of a heart attack in the living room, very close to where I am sitting now, but that seems to have faded.  Either he's moved on, or just doesn't make his presence known to me.  But things are still coming up "missing" and then mysteriously show up in the most random of obvious places, one of the things my mother in law swears was/is his doing... but then again, she's never called me crazy for the stories of the things I've experienced.  I should probably do some reading up on the paranormal stuff I've seen, or how better to communicate with my own personal guides (one of which I think is my Grandpa Don, and I'm pretty sure Grandma Jackie is there too, cuz all of the sudden I have a craving for some Honey Nut Cheerios...)

New job...kinda

So, I will be watching the boy up the street this summer, but that's a good thing, because he keeps my kids entertained/annoyed, and they do the same to him.  This should be fun!  I need ideas on how to keep things structured and organized.  Any good sites with crafts, field trips, etc that I can take advantage of would be welcomed.  The kids are 9, 8, and 6 so, anything that I can do with all of them to keep their interest would be great!  Hopefully with any luck we will get KI passes soon, so the water park will be an option, since I obviously cannot ride any of the cool rides....

On another note, I have my next doctor's appointment on Thursday.  I'm a bit nervous, and if you know me, you probably know why I'm nervous.  I could use some good thoughts/prayers, whatever suits your lifestyle choices.  I'm sure everything will turn out well; I've been working on some healing meditation exercises that I was told about from a very good friend, and they seem to be helping with the anxiety/stress, but still, I'll be happier when the doctors tell me there is nothing to worry about.  I have been feeling the baby move more and more, which is a little scary in and of itself.  I mean, I've had two kids already, but that was forever ago, and I feel like a new mom, experiencing everything for the first time.  For instance, I completely plan on taking another childbirth class, just because the technology has changed, the options for women in birth have advanced, so I think it'd be best if I was brought up to date on all of those things.  I have a stroller and car seat now, thanks to mom and an awesome yard sale find.  I have limited clothing items (what could be salvaged from the other two kids), and that's about it.  Things I still desperately need/want: pack and play; crib; swing; high chair; onesies/sleepers/clothes in general.  I plan completely on having another baby shower, and I don't care what anyone says about only getting one baby shower ever.  It's been almost 7 years since I had a kid, I have nothing (as evidenced above) so, yeah, I'm having a shower. 

As far as gifts go, I totally got gyped on my graduation gifts.  I did get a few, but read "few" as "two."  And I didn't get those until well after my actual graduation.  It's just very frustrating to see others showered with gifts for graduating high school, when I busted my ass for two and a half years for a degree, and I can't even get a scholarship to help pay for the rest of my schooling.  It's not like I don't have an amazing GPA, or that I wasn't chosen for Who's Who, or that I wasn't an officer in a student organization.  You would think they would want to help support and promote activities like that.  So then why is it so damn difficult to get any help?  I'm in debt over my head for my degree already, and I'm terrified once I get out of school I won't be able to find a job, let alone pay back my student loans.  Sometimes I just wish my parents were rich and would pay for everything for me.